Thursday, July 23, 2009


It's so very easy for me to get frustrated with myself. I was smaller last Summer than I am now. I'm still in a good size, frankly a smaller size than I ever thought I would be. But there is a part of me that feels like a bit of a failure that I did not maintain the smaller body. It doesn't make sense for me to feel that way and I think it poses the question, "Is the smallest you can get really the best weight for you?" Just because I can work myself out to a size 4 doesn't mean that a size 4 is where I should be. Maybe other people already have a handle on this concept, but it's a little new to me.

Anytime we're getting rid of clothes because we've "outgrown" them, it feels like failure. But the fact is that sometimes "outgrowing" is so healthy. Last Summer, I had a frenetic energy and never felt like I could slow down. It was like I was constantly running, and I don't mean the busy running, but more like if I slow down or just sit, I might think and the last thing I wanted to do was think. Over the past year, I've changed jobs from one I tolerated to one I embraced. I've had an opportunity to spend more time with my kids and my family. I've met a wonderful man and am now engaged and will soon be married. Actually, I feel great. So every so often I just need to remind myself not to listen to the snakes in my head that tend to hum, "not small enough, not skinny enough". I wasted too much time of my life being unhappy with something about my body. I'm happy, healthy and blessed. That's MORE than's a gift!

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